I think I'm going crazy. Strangely enough, it seems I am the only one who thinks this is the case. But what else can you call throwing away a steady and not altogether awful income at a fairly untaxing job in the midst of the largest recession since the Great Depression? For what you ask? I am not quite sure how to answer that. To chase a dream sounds cheesy at best. To follow my bliss even worse.
Have you ever gotten to a point in your life where everything seems bland? Where conversations become an unending repetitive drone about inanities like television or fashion? I got to this point. I don't know when it happened exactly. I stopped trying. Always one to try to put myself into whichever story was being told at the moment .... "Oh, you were just in England? I was there in 96 when I spent a semester in London, blah, blah, blah", I started to hold back. I started to worry more about how peopled looked at me. Was I that guy? That annoying know-it-all who needs to be the center of attention? Perhaps I still am..I don't know.
I needed escape. As much from the drudgery of my job..was it really drudgery? Is any job not drudgery? Even Heff must sicken of the hedonism at some point right? Well, at least I thought I needed escape, true or not. So I formed a plan. Take something I am interested in.. say.. cooking, and learn something about it.. wait, not learn.. master. Does anyone master anything anymore? The plan... stop futzing with your life... and MASTER something Geoff. But what? Best to master something you are naturally good at, yes? Was I ever good at anything naturally? I pause here with an image of my mother thinking I am naturally good at everything. I love you mom..but really, I am not. There are a few things though, which I have to say I feel come naturally to me. Pulling rail (a theater term if I ever heard it). Balderdash - for some reason my BS meter is pretty good. Well, at least when its language I guess? I don't feel any predilection for poker anyway... and probably the talent that comes most naturally-Cooking (that's right, with a capitol C). I am sure there are others (or maybe not) but I can't seem to think of any more at the moment...oh, I guess cats tend to like me. Is that a talent? Anywho...
The Plan (now in caps as well - *shrug*) - Mastery. Well, my current talent for pulling rail had gotten me about as far as possible. Oh, I am sure I could have pulled rail at progressively larger houses with about as much success and equally as much reward. There comes a time though, when you look at your future and say "really? you want to be a master what now?". Not to mention the absolute knowledge that abuse to the body can only go so far. I had no plans to be Quasimodo regardless of how well he can ring a church bell. I think true masters of Balderdash are few and far between. And ubernerdy. I have no desire for a lifetime of NPR's "Says You". And I live with someone who puts my supposed cat mastery skills to shame. Well then, Cooking.
So what all does this have to do with me being crazy?
Well, my not so crazy plan was to go to school for cooking while doing my "mostly" evening job in the theatre. It would be great! I would learn a new craft. Perfect a new craft even. Start on the road to Mastery. All the while, working on my other fairly mundane mastery of the rail system in the theater. There was but one hitch... those who held the keys to the mundane mastery part of the equation. They didn't think so highly of my master plan. In fact. They kinda crumpled up the master plan for me and now I am left with a mass of jumbled plans. Somewhere in the mess tho, is the master plan. I am trying desperately to extricate it before the whole blob pulls the ship under water. How was that for mixed metaphor? Eat your heart out ... er... anyone know anyone famous for mixing metaphors?
So, I thought I would drag you all (well, probably just myself, as I am sure most blogs are just melodramatic self masturbatory overinflated diaries) with me while I embark upon the repairs to my Master Plan. Please excuse the horrific mispellings..wait....thank you spell check!